


Mom & Dad

by Paigers



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Gen, a little cracky ngl, just friendship fluff, literally no real plot, summer '15, super short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paigers/pseuds/Paigers
Summary: “So basically,” Nick said. “Bram and Leah are our parents, and, and we’re the kids.”“Hold on -- ” Simon started.“I think that’s a good summary,” Abby said to Nick.***Abby and Nick decide that Bram and Leah are the dad-friend and mom-friend of the group, and the others mostly want no part of it.





	Mom & Dad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bansheee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bansheee/gifts).



> HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!!!

“Oh wow,” Nick said, looking at his phone, as Leah considered her next move on the chessboard in front of her. . “There are only about 200 hours left until we start  
school.”

Simon groaned, and he heard a few of the others join in.

“Why do you have to put it like that?” asked Abby, glaring at Nick from her spot beside him.

“I don’t like it any more than you guys do,” Nick said. “But facts are facts.”

It was the second-to-last Saturday evening before senior year started, and they were all in Nick’s basement. They had planned to meet there and go out somewhere, but it was one of the those days where it was so hot outside that even the idea of leaving the house made you feel exhausted. Only the promise of spending time with Bram -- who had just gotten back from his dad’s a few days ago -- had gotten Simon to walk the seven whole minutes it took to get to Nick’s.

They were all ostensibly watching some comedy special on Netflix, but everyone was sort of absorbed in their own little world. He was sitting with Bram on an old love seat, and they were watching some cute animal videos on Bram’s phone. Leah and Nick were playing chess, Abby was reading the summer assigned Fahrenheit 451, and Garrett was doing something on Nick’s laptop.

Simon felt that the collective decision to just stay here all night was imminent, and he was just treasuring the time before the video games -- and the yelling that came with them -- would almost certainly start.

Well, and being cuddled up with Bram, watching videos of dogs curling up with ducks and things like that. He was treasuring that, too. There were only so many aimless hours of summer left and, well, next summer they’d all be getting ready to -- 

He cut that thought off. 

What was the point in letting his mind go there?

“What are you even doing?” Bram asked, looking up from the snuggling animals at Garrett on his laptop.

“Looking up football stats,” Garrett said. “My fantasy league starts in a couple weeks.”

Bram rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Oh, that makes sense. You were focusing so hard I almost thought you might be doing the summer homework for a minute.”

Garrett snorted. 

“You have finished it, right?” Bram asked him. Simon smirked; he knew for a fact that Bram himself had read that freaking book twice, and finished his essay weeks ago.

Simon himself was like 90% finished with his essay.

Okay, maybe more like 75%.

“I will, _Dad_ ,” Garrett retorted.

“Oh my god,” Abby said, looking up from her own copy of the book. “Bram, you are so the dad.”

“What?” Bram asked. “The dad?”

“The dad of us, of the group,” Abby said. “Like, you know how people say there’s always a mom friend? Bram is totally our dad friend.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Garrett said, “Holy shit, that’s true.”

“What?” Bram said. “No, it’s not. What does that even mean?”

“That you’re the most responsible and the most reliable DD,” Abby said. “And Simon says you’ve had your homework finished for forever. And now you’re reminding us to do our homework. Therefore, Dad.”

“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative,” Simon said. 

“Same,” Bram said.

“Wait, so then who’s the mom?” Nick asked Abby, ignoring them both.

“Leah,” Abby said, “Obviously.”

“Wait, what?” said Leah, who had only just made her move on the chessboard and come back to earth. “Me?”

“I can get behind that one, though,” Simon said.

“You’re also an extremely reliable DD,” Nick said. “And you make everyone cakes on their birthday, and...”

“So, liking to bake makes me a mom, does it?” Leah said, clearly incensed. “Only moms bake?”

“Of course not,” Abby said. “But caring enough to do that for everyone kind of does.” Abby had gotten her very first Leah-cake about a month ago, and things had seemed less chilly between them ever since.

Leah blushed.

Garrett had been conspicuously silent for this entire discussion of Leah being the mom friend.

“So basically,” Nick said. “Bram and Leah are our parents, and, and we’re the kids.”

“Hold on -- ” Simon started.

“I think that’s a good summary,” Abby said to Nick.

Bram and Leah both groaned.

“Well, “ Bram said. “I guess if I had to pick someone to deal with these unruly children with, you’d be a good choice, Leah.”

“Diddo,” she said, smirking at him.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Simon said. “Unruly child? Can I please be the mistress instead?”

A few of them laughed, and Bram almost choked on nothing. Simon leered at him, and he turned away, blushing.

“I suppose that’s acceptable,” Abby said.

“Hold on,” Leah said, turning toward them on the loveseat, and sounding mock-outraged. “You’ve been unfaithful to me, Bram?”

Simon laughed loudly, startled, and he wasn’t the only one.

“I’m so very sorry,” Bram told her. “But you knew I was gay when you married me.”

“Where was I when this happened?” Simon asked. 

“Well, you died, duh,” Abby said. “In a hot air balloon accident, I would guess.”

"You were so focused on your oreos that you didn't realized you were heading straight for a mountain," Bram said. 

“A hot air balloon accident? Not even something cool, like a helicopter accident?” Simon asked.

“Wait, how can Simon be both dead in a oreo slash hot air balloon accident _and_ be Bram’s mistress?” Nick asked. “I think we might have lost the plot on this one a bit.”

“The _plot_?” Simon said to him. “When was there ever a plot?”


End file.
